Looking back the past few weeks, I was struggling. And I see now I was stuck in a mess. I have been very worn down by all the different things that I needed to do for church. Juggling with my personal life and work commitments, I became very exhausted and discouraged. And it doesn't help when people think you've got it all together and would not care to see how you were going. I became so discouraged that I started to drift away from God. I didn't enjoy going to church, seeing people. I was complaining. I saw all the problems in the church, in the people. There was no way to help. How could there be a way. People don't want to change and I cannot change people.
In my discouragement I began to do what I thought brought me pleasure before I knew God. Even though it was just one weekend last week that I looked elsewhere for happiness and relief. To be honest, I didn't find it and I knew it. I was looking for it in the wrong place.
For the past few weeks, I tried to pray, read my Bible, attend church prayer meetings. God's voice was becoming softer and softer to the point where I didn't really bother to try to listen. I wanted to hear God again but I can't. Very frustrating. So I said help!
Just yesterday, at the International Food Fair, I saw a sister. We don't usually talk to each other. I guess we attend different churches and we just don't spend time together. When she saw me, she started telling me stories about what happened 1 month ago. A speaker came from the States to preach at the annual church retreat. He talked about prayer. And she was sharing with me how that really shook her up. She never learned how to pray. How should we pray at all? Why don't we see answers to prayer? Why don't we experience God? For sure my next post will be about that. When she was sharing with me, deep down from my heart I knew my God sent her to save me. To save me from all that mess I am in.
She encouraged me watch his sermons on YouTube which I did this morning and I want to say. Praise God! He really knows what we go through and He loves us enough to help us through. The question is, do we believe and trust that He will bring us through?
過去的幾個禮拜我真的是累了。感覺身陷泥藻中，不可自拔。教會的服事，新的工作，適應環境工作內容，更長的工時，還有自己的事....我的的越來越失望。尤其當別人覺得你很好都不需要安慰關懷。我真的對生命失望，我還在想，我要離開上帝嗎？可是我夢想不就是用健康傳福音嗎？我怎麼離得開呢？我也就不是我了。我一直看著教會裡的問題，讓我灰心喪志。
所以上個週末，我就去尋找我以前認為能帶給我快樂及放鬆方式。我也知道我在哪裡找尋不到，可是我還是去了。這幾週，我還是試著讀經禱告。但上帝的聲音越來越小，小到我有點懶得去聽。可是我真的不開心，所以我就哭求，幫助我吧！
昨天，我參加了國際美食展，遇到了一位姐妹。我們平常不怎麼說話，可能是因為我們在不同的教會聚會，也不常相處的原因吧。但他一開口，就跟我分享大約一個月前發生的事。一個月前去了教會的退休會，講者分享了如何禱告？如何經歷上帝？（下次分享）就正當他在與我分享，我從內心深處知道上帝要把我從困難中拯救出來。
我的朋友鼓勵我看他的講道，所以今天早上我看了。我要說，讚美主！祂真的知道我們所經歷的困難，祂也夠愛我們不讓我們自己辛苦。問題是，我們信靠祂會帶我們走出來嗎？
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